Real Life

I wish I could just post our highlights...that is what I titled the blog. However, it's not always roses around here. We've had a bit of the flu and lingering symptoms, and middle school attitudes, and junior high girl issues too. When I'm sick, everything seems exaggerated and I've cried myself to sleep several nights as I'm exhausted at the end of every day with Cameron, and then I start feeling like a failure in the Mom department.

I know I'm a good mom. I try and that, by comparison, makes me a good mom. But I have different expectations for our family and being good is not enough. I work hard because I want my children to have good family memories and a strong, solid foundation in the Lord. This world is TOO HARD to send kids out without feeling loved. I have seen first hand how a kid acts when they're waiting to be thrown away. It's wrong.

I am not satisfied with our beautiful two toned family pictures...I want to raise good kids whose hearts are full of love and hope. I want kids who are living a life worth living. And today...I just feel bleh. I feel like this set of three isn't getting the best me and although I know God is in the miracle business, I'm just not sure He's going to honor the effort I'm making. It's not enough to feed and clothe these kids, and take them to church, and make sure they know good hygiene. I want them to be kind. To love each other. To love others. To know how to handle frustration and anger.

I've almost completely isolated myself this year. It's been bad in the past, but right now homeschooling is taking a lot of time and energy. This is SO BAD for my health. I need a friend to vent with, to keep me grounded and to give me an encouraging word. Richard has always been my best friend and he does ALL these things and more. However, it's just not fair for him to have to be my counselor too.

Praying for God's divine hand on this time in our life. For our health, our kids and our souls.